About this resource
Miscarriage can be a lonely experience. Often it is because people don’t know what to say or do to help.
Sometimes just listening or having a conversation can make a big difference. Letting the person you care about guide the way on what they need. Whether it's space, company or a chance to talk.
Find out what you can say, and how you can support someone who has experienced a miscarriage – however they may need you.
How to start the conversation
You may not have the perfect words, and that’s ok. Here are ways to start a conversation, and small actions that can help.
This advice has been developed in consultation with people who have experienced miscarriage to help you offer the most meaningful support.
| What to say | What not to say |
|---|---|
“I’m sorry for your loss”
| “Was it something you did?” |
| “How you’re feeling is ok” | “Be grateful you have other children” |
| “I’m really glad you told me” | “You’ll get over it” |
| “I’m here to listen if you want to talk” | “At least it was early”
|
| “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to” | “You wouldn’t want a baby that had something wrong with it” |
| “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you” | “It could have been worse” |
| “You’re not alone” | “At least you know you can get pregnant” |
| “Is there anything I can help with?” | “Everything happens for a reason” |
| “Thinking of you” | “It wasn’t really a baby yet” |
| “It’s not your fault” | “It wasn’t meant to be” |
“Love you”
| Or saying nothing at all |
If you say or do the wrong thing, acknowledge it and apologise for what you said. Care matters more than perfection.
Other ways you can help
Spending time together or offering to help can mean a lot. Simple ways to show you care include:
A casual catch-up
Like going for a walk, watching TV or cooking a meal together – where the person you care about can speak as much or as little as they need.
Driving them to an appointment
Helping with transport and keeping them company can make the experience less isolating.
Helping with chores
Simple acts like washing the dishes, helping with groceries, hanging out some clothes or vacuuming can show you care.
Taking care of their pets or children
If they need some alone-time, or to attend appointments.
Leaving them a gift
Taking around someone’s favourite treat, some flowers or a cooked meal can be deeply appreciated.
Regular contact
Sending a text and seeing how they are in the weeks and months afterwards can help them feel supported.